I’m with my wife, Lauren, tonight, and she’s slowly dying. She had cancer and the result of the radiation treatment was that it killed too much tissue, so she’s dying. She’s delirious most of the time, and in great pain, although I’m able now to treat that pretty effectively. But I’m not going to talk about that, at least not directly. I’m going to talk (probably in a somewhat rambling fashion) about some of the thoughts that have gone through my mind tonight.
You might think that mortality would bring people together, through its very finality. Because we're here only a short time, you’d think we'd learn to appreciate one another (and certainly there is an element of that in death and dying.) Many people selflessly dedicate their lives to easing pain and providing comfort, and people certainly do offer sympathy when there’s death and dying in a family.
But in the larger sense, even mortality isn’t enough to get us to let our guards down, to allow us to trust our fellow man, and this is something we should ponder very seriously, for its implications.
It has to do with the nature of this existence. Every creature on earth (and we are not exceptions), is forced to the struggle to survive, and this inevitably makes us all natural antagonists. That is the reason we don’t let our guards down.
Love leaves us vulnerable to those who do not feel love, and there are many who, for various reasons, mainly genetic, do not feel love. The rest of us know this, but mostly on a subliminal level, because to allow ourselves the conscious knowledge of it is simply too psychically damaging.
These are the predators among us, and those capable of feeling love spend much of their lives, much of their psychic energy, on fabricating excuses for them, while those who don’t feel love become the dominators.
My wife's life has been defined by her struggle to understand, and attempt to articulate, this seemingly simple and yet terribly complex and hidden aspect of human nature. It is the aspect of our natures that leaves humanity so hopelessly incapable of establishing lasting harmony, in either families or society itself.
These predators often rule over others, and do so ruthlessly, because they generally have the most drive to attain power, and the descent, loving, caring human beings, who suffer at their hands often spend their life's energy making excuses for them, because the full realization that someone close to us is such a being, is often too terrible to endure.
Many of humanities seemingly endless problems stem from this one failing, not so much of our making (not even the predators, who generally didn't choose to be that way) as that of this existence itself. It's easy to see, in that context, that these people are to be pitied. Yet to do so is dangerous.
Religion, democracy, law and a hundred other human social mechanisms exist, simply as an attempt to mitigate against this human failing.
I write this now simply because of the nature of our times, and out of what I see as the meaning of our lives - those of myself, my wife, and daughter. We have struggled, in our relatively insignificant way, to bring this truth to light.
In historical terms, and in those of larger human society, this dilemma can be grasp maybe most easily in the rise of Hitler, and in the appeasement of him by Neville Chamberlain.
Chamberlain, the ultra-civilized man, simply couldn’t believe that Hitler wanted another war, after the recent, horrible, and pointless bloodletting of World War I. Chamberlain, the ultra-civilized man, simply didn’t understand the nature of people like Hitler.
If humanity is to survive and rediscover a life worth living in modern times, it will only be when the majority (and yes, I do believe the feeling human beings are in the majority!) come to see this clearly, and never let it out of their consciousness again.
Yes, sadly some of us are wolves, nay hyenas, for wolves are social animals; and the rest of us had better learn, no matter how much it goes against our innately peaceable natures, to never again be sheep. . .
Yet I sincerely believe that our spirit’s are pointed towards someplace higher, and so for myself, and my family, and ultimately for us all, I have hope. For reasons we don't understand we live in a violent, transitory world. One in which we're allowed to glimpse the higher reality of love and truth, albeit through a veil of suffering. I don’t believe that glimpse is for nothing.
I write this tonight to honor my wife, Lauren, that most unusual of people in modern times, a philosopher. She has not showed even one hint of fear in the face of death. It’s the living that time and again, her heart goes out to.
Brent Hightower
Copyright 2020 Brent Hightower
21stcenturyperceptions.blogspot.com
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